What’s Up With Us…

Life is filled with so many blessings like funny children and sunshiny days. We serve a very gracious God that desires to show us good things and does so on a daily basis.

But as so many of you know life isn’t always a happy journey. There are often times of incredible suffering. Sadly, I’ve learned from personal experience, I can easily inflict some seasons of suffering upon myself . It’s not that our Father forsakes us but He allows us to endure these times so that we may experience Him in ways that we could have never understood before. I read these verses just last week, “Am I only a God nearby?” declares the Lord, “and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?, Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 23:23-24

Someone very dear to me is in this very intimate place. It’s a fragile place, a place of returning and rest. A place of getting to know God in such a tender way but also a place very new and unknown. She shared with me an excerpt that ministered to her encouragement.  It’s something Beth Moore wrote after making an exodus herself from a time of bondage away from God. It’s a bit long but I thought it was worth taking the time to type. Maybe the Lord wanted me to write it just for one of you. Here it is…

Had
By Beth Moore

“My name is Had. You may know me, but you may not know my new name. You may have no idea what I’ve been through because I do my best to look the same. Oh, I’m scared to death of you. I used to be just like you. I once held my head up high without propping it on my hymnal.

“I was well respected back then. I even respected myself. I was wholeheartedly devoted to God, and if the truth be known, somewhere deep inside I was sometimes the slightest bit proud of my devotion. Then I’d repent because I knew that was wrong, and I didn’t want to be wrong. Not ever.

“People looked up to me. And life looked good from up there. I felt good about who I was. That was before I was Had. Strangely, I no longer remember my old name. I just remember I liked it. I liked who I was. I wish I could go back. I wish I’d just wake up. But I fear I’m wide-awake. I’ve had a nightmare. And the nightmare was me. Had.

“If I could rally talk to you, if you could really listen, I’d tell you I have no idea how all this happened. Honestly, I was just like you. I didn’t plan to be Had. I didn’t want to be Had. One day I hadn’t, then the next day I had.

“Oh, I know now where I went wrong. I rewound that nightmare a thousand times, stopping it right at the point where I departed the trail of god sense. The way ahead didn’t look wrong. It just looked different. Strange, he didn’t look like the devil in that original scene. But every time I replayed it, he dropped another piece of his masquerade. When he finally took off his mask, he was laughing at me. Nothing seems funny anymore. I’ll never laugh again as long as he’s laughing.

“If only I could go back. I would see it this time! I’d walk around the trap camouflaged by the brush, and I would not be had. I would be Proud. Was that my old name? Proud? I can’t even remember who I was any more. I thought I was Good. Not Proud. But I don’t know anymore.

“Would you believe I never heard the trap shut? Too many voices were shouting in my head. I just know I had got stuck somewhere unfamiliar, and soon I didn’t like the scenery anymore. I wanted to go home. My ankle didn’t even hurt at first. Not until the infection set in. Then I thought I would die.”

“ I lay like a whimpering doe while the wolf howled in the darkness. I got scared. I pulled the brush over me and hid. Then I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I had to get out of there or I was sure it would kill me. I didn’t belong there I refused to die there.”

“I pulled and pulled at that trap, but the foothold wouldn’t budge. The blood gushed. I had no way out. I screamed for God. I told Him where I was and the shape I was in. And He came for me.”

“The infection is gone. He put something on it and cleaned it up instantly. As He inspected my shattered ankle, I kept waiting for Him to say, ‘You deserved this, you know. You’ve been Had.’ Because I did, and I know, and I have. He hasn’t said it yet. I don’t know whether He will or not. I don’t know how much to trust Him yet. I’ve never known Him from this side. My leg still hurts. God says it will heal with time. But I fear that I will always walk with a limp.”

“You see, I wrestled with the devil, and he gave me a new name. My name is Had.”